Blog on the Bog (awards were due at some point)

“Surely that’s a typo?”I hear you cry. “Don’t you mean bus and not bog?” Well, no I don’t, and don’t call me Shirley (baba dum tsh). I’m not catching the bus today but felt obliged to share some news so I’ve locked myself away from the wife and kids (for their sake as much as mine – my fault for eating curry!) and have sat down to scribe. Whatever you do, try not to picture me sat with my trousers down. Too late, huh? Never mind, on with the blog:

Well, it had to happen sooner or later, I’ve been secretly waiting for that first phone call / email / telegram to say “Mr Edger, we are proud to announce you have been nominated for ‘such & such’ award…” Well, it’s arrived (and about bloody time too, do I hear you chorus?), my first award since I started this writing lark. The award to which I am of course referring is…

The Liebster Award

Where to begin, there are so many people to thank…

…wait…sorry…what…you mean it’s not an actual award? Oh…ah…right. So I can’t suddenly start claiming to be an ‘award winning novelist’? Ah, I see.

So what is the Liebster award then? Can you supply a book of the rules?

Here are the rules:

•When you receive the award, you post 11 random facts about yourself and answer the 11 questions asked by the person who nominated you.
•Pass the award onto 11 other blogs (while making sure you notify the blogger that you nominated them!)
•You write up 11 NEW questions directed towards YOUR nominees.
•You are not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated your own blog!
•You paste the award picture into your blog

Thanks for that, well here goes nothing:
•I’m a Virgo
•I have written and published 4 novels in the last 2 years
•I have attended fancy dress parties dressed as Optimus Prime, Jess the Cat and the ugliest woman alive (my bra was filled with flashing bicycle lights)
•My favourite condiment is tomato ketchup (I have it on nearly every meal)
•I wrote off my first car (a Ford Fiesta) but still have no recollection of what happened
•My first pet was a fish called Robert, meaning my porn star name would be the ever-so-sexy ‘Robert Browning’
•Whilst I’m naturally a brunette, my hair has been blonde, ginger, black, white and even blue over the years
•I’m NOT a vegetarian
•I can still recite all the words to Jonny Mathis’ ‘When a Child is Born’ even though I learnt it when I was 8 (some 23 years ago!)
•Similarly I can recite each of the colours of Joseph’s Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat
•I have just uploaded 168 Christmas songs to my iPod as I love Christmas music

Right that’s the boring part done, now to answer Mr Gallacher’s questions:

What’s your earliest recollection of anything?
When I was 3, I chopped the end off the ring finger of my left hand by trapping it in a door. I still remember placing my hand between the hinges and the feeling of pain as the large oak door closed. I was rushed to hospital and they sewed it back on but I still have the scar.
How old were you when you were informed that Mister Claus may not be for real ? and how did you take it?
I think I must have been 9 or 10. My parents won a flight to Lapland on Concord and decided they had to tell me the truth when I spotted three Santas chatting together in a room. I didn’t mind as it had been a great dear and I’d driven a small sleigh, pulled my real reindeer.

What was the first book that you absolutely hated ?
That’s a tough one. I suppose I’d have to say Roald Dahl’s ‘Going Solo’. If been a big fan of stories like ‘The Twits’ but this was aimed at older children and I found it quite slow by comparison.

Money or Love ?
That’s a toughie too. When you have 1 you want the other. As I’m (happily) married and poor I guess I must have chosen love.

Fantasy holiday destination ?
The Bahamas, sipping rum cocktails while sun bathing on the beach. Heaven!

First kiss?
Her name was Susan and I met her at church

Favourite funny person?
Love Peter Kay and Michael McIntyre but the person who makes me laugh most every day is my 2 y/o daughter Emily

What kind of music, if any, makes you cry?
I love cheesy music and my playlist tends to reflect my mood. If I’m feeling down then love ballads from the early nineties tend to do it as they were what I cried to during adolescence.

If you could remove any three letters from the alphabet what would they be, and why?
Random! A, E and I as words would sound really funny without these vowels

Favourite animal/pet?
I love dogs so favourite pet is a tie between my now deceased German Shepherd ‘Rudi’ and my current Westie ‘Mallow’

If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to ?
My nickname at work is ‘Stedge’ as there are 3 of us (out of 7) called Stephen/Steven. If I could change my name I’d be called ‘Lawn’ for comedic value.

So, now it’s my turn to ask the questions. Let’s make this brief as I’m running out of loo roll.

1. Who let the dogs out?
2. What would you be if you were a car part and why?
3. What alcoholic beverage can you not live without?
4. How many days are there until your birthday?
5. What causes you to wake in a cold sweat screaming?
6. Would you rather be blind or deaf and why?
7. What would your superhero name be and what would your special power be?
8. What is your favourite movie?
9. What song would you be embarrassed to say you like?
10. What is the meaning of life?
11. What will this week’s Lotto numbers be (asking for a friend)?

I don’t know who to nominate for this award so nominate yourself and post your answers. I really want to know (particularly the answer to q11)

Until we next catch the bus, happy reading!

Stephen

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2 responses to “Blog on the Bog (awards were due at some point)

  1. Splendid response, that man .. will RT it on my Ol’ TweetDeck time machine for the next few days … and thanks for mis spelling my name .. sheesh ..I think I should change mine to ‘Lawn’ as well …:):):):)

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