Hello again! Fancy that; both of us on this ridiculously early bus again. Whilst I’ve got you here, I was wondering who your least favourite person is? Before you start naming John, Paul, Rodney or Gladys what I’m looking for is the job profession you despise the most. Don’t pretend to be a pleasant, affable soul (we both know you’re not!) and tell me if it’s the estate agents, door to door utilities salesmen or (dare I say it…the bankers(we’re not all gits you know…in fact I know 1 or 2 who are quite charitable)?
Whoever it is, we’ve all got someone who makes our skin crawl. Whilst the 3 nominations above are all worthy candidates for Bastard of the Year 2013 (hoping the awards catch on and will one day be known as the Bastards), for me there can only be one winner…
…recruitment agents (tell me you didn’t think I was going to say writers…we’re lovely!)
In my many dealings with the devil’s spawn, I have come to realise that this vermin that walks amongst us, driving their stupid cars that they pretend to own even though they only got it through hire-purchase like the rest of us, are scum! They strut about smiling, and pouring sweet words in our ears like tonics, lying to our faces like Oxbridge politicians. They want to be your best friend; they’ll chat to you about your family, your aspirations. They’ll tell you about their own fictitious families to make you believe they only have your best interests at heart and once you’ve agreed to let them represent you they contact the reluctant employer that they’ve managed to capture in their web.
When the employer realises the error of their ways and backs out of the contract they were made to sign in blood you won’t hear from the recruitment agent again. They board a stealth submarine away from all means of communication. It’s like they walk off the planet. You won’t be able to get hold of him. Phones and emails will go unanswered. It’s not like you can go to their office with a barrage of abuse to unleash because you don’t know what s/he looks like (even if you did have a photo it wouldn’t help as they can change appearance like a chameleon).
And then you’re left in limbo not knowing whether the employer was ever interested in your CV or whether it was all just a figment of your imagination (like a cruel episode of Dr Who).
The devil will of course return but he’ll have a different name and a new number and this time he’ll tell you he’s not like the others: he’ll support you throughout the process.
Don’t believe him: he’s the devil in disguise!
Oh, I can see the bus driver telling me to climb down from my soap box; we must have reached our destination. Thanks for listening. I’ll leave you with one thought for the day: who will you nominate for the bastards 2014?
Until the next time, happy reading!